i think its safe to say i am stuck in a rutt.
lately i haven't been able to find the words but i'm feeling more relaxed now i've decided what course i'm doing next year, well pretty much decided... but ya never know, things might change !
i'm scared for the impending pressure i must endure over these next few months to get the grades, hopefully i'll do it. If not i am fuckeeeeeeed.

maybe i over estimate myself, as opposed to all my teachers who underestimate me, when i got my grades last year my form teacher actually cried with happiness.. pretty weird as i didn't know her very well then at all and hardly ever saw her due to my awful amount of absences, but it was nice to see her genuinely happy for me. I guess i'm gonna have to get ma noggin down ! and work my arse off

anyway enough about that, i gave my cv into the white hart a few days ago and they said they weren't hiring... however they left me a voicemail, god knows when, and me, being shit with my phone n all didn't pick it up until today, i am such a dumb bitch! anyway i called them back and asked for sherry, and they said they'd call back half an hour later....... 2 hours later, and still waiting.
wooooow i do seem to mess things up for myself a lot. should i call back? i don't wanna seem to desperate but then i don't wanna leave it either..... i'm gonna call. there's no harm in trying i guess. fingers crossed